TLC - The Practice That Helps When Life Feels Too Much
We all have them: that moment when an encounter deeply stings, when our inner critic takes over, or when we're flooded with overwhelm after one too many stressors pile up. These experiences can happen in the comfort of our own home or in the middle of an important meeting. It's part of being human.
When we feel threatened, our sympathetic nervous system activates—the part that evokes fight, flight, or freeze states. Our bodies fill with stress hormones, heart rate increases, breathing becomes shallow, and blood flow shifts away from our brain toward our core. This helps us react quickly when life is actually on the line.
But for those moments when our life isn't in danger yet something has us feeling overwhelmed, we can use simple strategies to restore nervous system balance. We can effectively interrupt the stress cycle as we also activate our parasympathetic nervous system—the "tend-and-befriend" state that restores circulation and supports our ability to respond thoughtfully and skillfully rather than reactively.
Here's a simple practice that can help in those moments.
The 30-Second TLC Practice
TLC is a practice I developed by bringing together evidence-based techniques for emotional regulation, drawing from Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion break and her research in self-compassion, along with studies on the benefits of deep breathing.
T - Touch: Place a hand over your heart or gently squeeze one hand with the other. Any form of compassionate, nurturing touch works.
L - Long Breath: Take three slow, deep breaths, intentionally breathing from your belly if that helps.
C - Care: With each breath, offer yourself words of care using a gentle tone—imagine how you'd speak to a dear friend or your younger self:
1st Breath: Inhaling, "I am" / Exhaling, "having a rough moment"
2nd Breath: Inhaling, "I am" / Exhaling, "not alone in finding this kind of thing hard"
3rd Breath: Inhaling, "May I" / Exhaling, "proceed with care"
The Science Behind TLC
Touch: Research shows that warm, compassionate touch interrupts stress responses and activates our natural caregiving capacity. Our bodies don't distinguish between caring touch from others or from ourselves. Even a simple hand squeeze can help calm both body and mind.
Long Breath: Slow, rhythmic breathing has been demonstrated to directly impact our nervous system through what's called a "bottom-up" approach, stimulating the soothing parasympathetic response that helps slow heart rate and restore circulation.
Care: Speaking compassionately to ourselves has been shown to be a powerful way to shift from fight, flight, and freeze states to rest-and-digest parasympathetic states. For those with critical inner voices, practicing kind self-talk builds capacity for a more empowering inner dialogue overall.
How to Make TLC Feel Natural
While TLC is simple and portable, it can be hard to remember in heated moments. Also, when we're not used to self-compassion, it may feel inauthentic at first. Setting aside time to practice helps build familiarity.
Try recalling a recent experience where you felt hurt or flustered, then practice TLC while holding that situation in awareness. Start with minor irritations rather than major upsets. Feel free to adjust the phrases so they sound authentic to you—the more natural it feels, the more likely you'll access it when needed.
If you frequently struggle with difficult emotions or find it challenging to shift out of overwhelmed states, consider working with a therapist or healthcare provider familiar with emotional regulation and compassionate nervous system support.
Whatever brings about moments when life feels too much—and wherever you are—may you remember that struggling is part of being human, and that we all need care and support.
If you find yourself frequently caught in cycles of overwhelm or self-criticism, therapy can provide deeper tools and personalized support for lasting change. As a therapist, I take a compassionate and integrative approach, blending traditional talk therapy modalities with mindfulness and somatic awareness. I’m here to support adults in both healing and in meeting life with greater ease and care. You can learn more about working with me on my services page or feel free to reach out to schedule an initial consultation.